Two things that make me who I am

I suppose there would be different answers to that everyday, but today I want to talk of my feminism and my epilepsy. One very public – so public I wear it on my sleeve. The other very private – so private I can only ‘talk’ of it by writing about it. And both fundamental to who I am. Maybe, even, fundamental to each other.

I deal with one everyday. I take classes where gender is the key to understanding. My feminism is fundamental to my teaching method. My doorway to critical thought. I fight the fight even as I wax and tweeze, as I choose what to wear. I argue over it, I defend it, it is as natural as breath to me, that I am a feminist.

The other I thought I had already dealt with. Truly made a deal. You get this much, but I get to keep this much of my life. Six years ago, I made that deal, and I thought we’d more or less kept it. I’d dealt with it.

This last attack and the weeks since have made me realise how wrong I was. The deal was more nuanced, needed more finesse, than I had given it. My epilepsy wanted a part of me. All of me. A part of everything that made me, me. It already had it – now it was time for me to know. To understand, to fight, to bring under control. To realise that coming to terms with is a continuous process; one that might last all my life.

And I have a good negotiating team.

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2 Responses

  1. i think nobody is given everything from god,,coz thats one of the reasons we think of him 🙂

    Everybody has thier own limitations,. but on the whole i believe god gives u something else for something he takes…

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