I am proud of them at times, and ashamed at others. Ashamed when they’re easy – that’s when they’re the result of heartbreak.

I suppose I’m ashamed that heartbreak’s so easy – ashamed to admit that I can be hurt by a thoughtless word; sometimes even the absence of a thoughtful one is enough. In my heart of hearts, after all, I want to be invincible!

But no, that’s not true. I’m not ashamed of the tears themselves, but of letting them be seen. Which means I don’t want to be invincible, I only want people to think I am. What a hypocrite!


My comeuppance has been due for a while now – I was getting a properly swollen head with all the nice things people have been saying about me. It was about time for the crash that would bring me back to earth. Having known all this, dare I admit that the crash hurt? Not just my pride, not just the deflation of the ego, but actual heartbreak was involved? Was it?


On the other hand, there’s cake. Carrot cake in office and chocolate at home. Also custard apples. And abstracts. Lots of lovely abstracts. Yum.


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