People who come to ‘contact classes’

No, they aren’t learning to feel people up. They just take correspondence courses and end up having to attend classes for 3 days in a year.

So, from my vast experience of taking sessions at these contact classes (yes, I took a session last year too), I’ve discovered that there are certain definitive types – they’ll be there, you just have to look for them.

The I-know-more-than-yous: These ones who think they know more than the session moderator (SM). And are looking for a chance to demonstrate. In full force when SM is young and female, these tend to be male, and whatever their actual age, appear to be at least twice the age of SM.

The supportive nodders: These believe in the power of a smile to convince the moderator that their nods convey understanding and not a tendency to drop off. They will inevitably accost SM at the end of the session and loudly state their appreciation of SM’s skill in keeping so many people interested in a post-lunch session on taxation.

The panga types: Fondly known as have-heard-that-word-before-so-will-argue-with-you-till-you-shut-me-up-so-I-can-make-martyred-face. These will seize on something mentioned in passing about which they don’t know very much but have a very definite opinion and go on to do their thing.

The notetakers: The fact that these have been supplied with 300 pages of material on the topic that’s being dealt with in a one-hour session makes no difference. What the SM has stated is The Word, and must be recorded for posterity (or at least, till the exam).

The ones I don’t have a name for: To these, the words “Taxation issues in Cyberspace” mean “free advice on how to minimise tax when you take your textile sweatshop online”. These wait for the words “Any questions or clarifications?” so that they can launch into detailed descriptions of their business, their plans for their business, and then ask, “So what tax do I have to pay?” (It’s not that I don’t have a name for these, just that all the names I have are too bloody rude)


2 Responses

  1. Interesting categorisation. Would love to know some of those names you wont mention.

    On a tangent, I quite envy you for being on campus even when you’re not a student (of that campus).

    Also, not nice to laugh at my plight. I am gonna miss her and can’t find a new one.

  2. I know, most people who know me envy me for it! But if you’ve read some of the posts here, you’ll know it’s not all roses… A campus (like most other places) is very different when you’re actually on it!

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